I mentioned in my last post – When You Hurt Find A True Friend – that you would be meeting one of my true friends.
Her name is Rachelle. If you have read my book Revelations, you will remember her. She is the one who dreamed the critical dream about Doug. Her dream was a light leading me down the road I was supposed to travel.
In 2007, a year after Doug was killed, she became pregnant with her first child. She and her husband Scott were thrilled. Then came December 18, 2007 and a routine doctors appointment at 22 weeks. That morning Rachelle and Scott were excited to discover the sex of their baby, instead they received devastating news.
The technician put his hand on Rachelle and said, “I’m so sorry. There is a problem with your baby. Your baby is dead.”
Rachelle would have to be induced to birth her first baby at 22 weeks – a baby that was no longer alive.
Blackness. I have been talking about the blackness tragedy brings for the past few weeks, but I know of no other way to describe it. Blackness.
Rachelle walked out of the ultrasound in the blackness. She didn’t want anyone to see her. She was pregnant with a dead baby. In the blackness, she told Scott to quickly take her home.
Being a pediatrician, Scott knew who he had to call and he made the calls immediately. Rachelle made one request. She didn’t want to be awake when she had the baby. The doctor had informed her even though her baby was no longer alive, labor could last between 24 and 48 hours. Rachelle couldn’t imagine her first experience at childbirth to be birthing a child that would never wake up. It was unimaginable.
There were more doctors appointments and more discussion. That day Rachelle also learned the baby she was carrying was a girl. Later, Rachelle would name her daughter Grace. I’m sure by the end of Rachelle’s story, you will see why.
The blackness is shock at first. I know. I have been there. When the two soldiers knocked at my door to tell me about my husband, tears wouldn’t come. My body went numb in the blackness. Rachelle went numb too. She said she cried a bit that day, but the shock was so real that the true tears had yet to fall. Then came the next morning. . .
Rachelle woke up and “wailed the wail of a mother who had lost a child.”
Sobs. Desperation. Blackness.
Scott wanted to help, but there was nothing he could do. Rachelle was still pregnant, and there was nothing she could do. There was nothing anyone could do but schedule an appointment to take Rachelle and Scott’s daughter away.
But that day, Rachelle thought about me. You see, she had been by my side while I was in the black, while the army was packing up my things and I was picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.
During her own pain, the day after the ultrasound technician told her the news, the day before Grace would be “born,” Rachelle thought of me. She kept saying to herself, “This doesn’t hurt as much as Doug.”
Can you believe it? In her own pain, she thought about me. And in a strangely weird way, it helped get her through. If you don’t have a Rachelle in your life, you need one. I don’t know what I would do without her.
It was December 19th, just a week before Christmas. It was Scott’s first Christmas back after being deployed for a year. Rachelle knew I was having Christmas without my husband. She looked at what she had and held on tight. She had Scott; they would still have Christmas; and even though the blackness had struck, they would get through it together.
There was something I had said to Rachelle while I was in the black that she kept repeating in her mind. . .
“God has a plan.”
Rachelle believed that. She believed, no matter what she had to go through, God had a plan. Even though she would lose Grace, God would use this tragedy to bring His glory. Rachelle believed that. She believed it, even though she had to face the next day. . .
On December 20th Rachelle went into the hospital pregnant, and on December 20th she walked out without a baby.
But the nightmare was far from over. Rachelle had to deal with a body that thought a baby needed to be nourished. Her milk came in. And for days, if not weeks, she dealt with the pain of a nursing body without a child. Can you imagine?
The first night after Grace was born, Rachelle knew she “wanted to keep the communication open” with God. So she pulled out her “One-Year Bible” and turned to the December 20th reading. This is what she read. . .
“If I say , ‘Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,’ Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. . . for You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:11-14
“You wove me in my mother’s womb.” Rachelle thought of Grace. “Was this some sort of joke, God?” That thought did go through Rachelle’s mind. But then God’s presence came over her and she knew He was talking straight to her. God could make Rachelle’s darkness light. And God had woven Grace together. Grace had a purpose. For reasons Rachelle may never understand, Grace had a purpose, and part that purpose was being in the loving hands of God at 22 weeks.
Rachelle wrote in her journal, “I can trust Him. He has cradled me in my heart.”
In her blackness, Daddy took care of her; God came through time and again – through bible verses, through songs, through His saints – See Do What You Need To Do To Move Forward When Suffering A Loss.”
Daddy met Rachelle in her pain, and in her pain, Rachelle believed God. One verse kept coming to her. . .
“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed. . .” Rom 4:18
And you know what God kept telling Rachelle in those songs, and bible verses, and by the lips of his saints?
“I will bless you double.”
More on Rachelle in Wednesday’s blog.
If you can’t wait, go to her own blog and start at the beginning. she wrote out all of her journal posts. http://www.rachellebelievinggod.blogspot.com/
Whatever you are going through – against all hope – believe.
Daddy can make it right.
e mail me at nicsrevelations.com