God is pushing me lately. Like really pushing me. At first I didn’t like it. Everything He led me to do felt wrong because the things He led me to do I hadn’t done since my husband was killed. This caused a lot of stress. I mean, go out after dark? Not my thing. What about organizing a group of people you know nothing about? No thank you. How about walking into a new situation without knowing anyone? You got the wrong girl.
“No,” God says. “I did not. You have just forgotten who I made YOU to be. It is now time to get you back.”
So He is pushing me.
And it is working.
I am changing.
It has not been a quick transformation, but a slow one. Today, however, I feel even that changing. Before the change was like an annoying drip in the kitchen sink that seemed to last forever. But today, that drip is a stream. The multiplication factor is hitting. The drips of change have become a current of change that will move even faster now. With each drip, I continue to get more comfortable with the dripping I wasn’t comfortable with before. Soon the drips won’t even be noticeable because the stream will continue to widen until the full blast of my personality will be back and the water will be flowing just the way God made it to flow.
But changing is painful, and that is why He has to start slow. We can’t handle the full blast of His change at one time. If He distributed it all at once it would quite possibly flatten us on the road of life for a good long while.
Change. It is a scary word at times. But it is also a good word, because when God changes you, He is changing you for the better, and even if there is pain in the change, the pain will fade if we stay the course to see the change through.
I know I have mentioned this before, but I always go back to David. He was crowned king as a boy and killed a nine-foot giant at a young age. He was a hero. He was honored. He was sought after. But then King Saul gets jealous. David is run out of town. He is hunted like a dog. He is insulted. He loses his wife. He lives in caves. He pretends insanity so he can remain alive. This lasts about fifteen years. Then and only then does David become king.
David’s road was painful, but during that time David writes some of the most brilliant songs of all time. During that time, David learns to grow closer to God. During that time, David learns how to not become like King Saul. The change was painful, but it was necessary for David to be “a man after God’s own heart.”
That is what God is doing in our own lives, making us to be “a man after His own heart.” He knows what circumstances will get us there. He is shaping us like a potter shapes the clay. He takes off. He adds. He spins and shapes. In the spinning, we have no clear path. Our lives are chaotic. At times we are scared, at times we fear, at times we cry because the spinning feels like we are out of control. But the potter is still there, holding us in His strong and steady hands. And one day we will stop spinning, and see the change the potter was making. We may not understand, but we may. Then we will walk steady for a season, until the next time the potter feels like it is time for a change.
Today, just trust that the spinning will stop in time, and the path will form ahead of you. Trust that He will make it all right and your life is in His trustworthy hands.
“But now, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the works of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8