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Love is a Choice. Choose Love.

I have written before on this topic (click here), but it has been on my heart lately, so I need to revisit it.

Is love a choice?  Or is it an emotion?

Think about it.  In regard to family?  Friends?  Spouse?

Think about it.  In regard to annoying family?  Betraying friends.  Distant spouse?

Is love a choice?  Or an emotion?

On September 24, 2006, four months after Doug was killed I was in church and the guest speaker, Roger, was talking about love.  He said, “Love is a choice.”

He went on to say, “What if we asked God to change us and not our situation?”

Roger didn’t know me at the time.   He had no idea I had just lost my husband to an IED in Bagdad.  I sat there thinking about those two statements.

Love is a choice.  What if we asked God to change us and not our situation?

I remember after the two soldier’s knocked on my door, informing me of my husband’s death, that I sometimes prayed it was all a lie.

I wanted to change my situation.  It did not change.  And I knew it wouldn’t change.   Doug wasn’t coming home.

“What if we asked God to change us and not our situation?”

I wrote in my journal, “I need to pray for a change in me.”

We all have situations in our life we want to change.  We all have people in our life we want to change.  We get so focused on the circumstances and the other people most of the time we fail to turn our prayers on us.  God can change us.  That is what God really wants right?  A change in us?  A growth closer to His Son?  A transformation so drastic so that in any circumstance – with all people –  we SHINE Him.

We can choose love.

Everyone knows that famous 1 Corinthians passage.  “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.”  1 Cor. 13:7-8

But isn’t that what we do every day with our “love”?  We choose to love our children despite their selfish little hearts.  We choose to love our families despite their insanity.  We choose to love our friends even if we get hurt by them.  We choose to love, or not to love, every day.  We choose to say “yes” to love and not throw it into the wastebasket.  “Love is patient.  Love is kind. . . love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.” 

If love were only an emotion, it would fail, and it would fail miserably.  If love were an emotion, every marriage would eventually fail.  We “love” our spouse but most of that initial love is “emotional love.”  Then we get married and as time goes by those initial emotions fade.  Suddenly we see that this “love” takes work.  Why?  Because now our love is not based on emotion, it is based on choice.  As time moves on, we have to choose to love our partner, and that partner is human.  Bad news.  Humanity has a disease called, “Selfish, prideful, balls of ME and MINE.”  And it is hard to emotionally love that.  The only way to love that is to choose to love.

Jesus said, “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you.”  John 15:9

And then He said, “You did not choose me, but I choose you.”  John 15:16

And then He went to the cross. Voluntarily (John 10:18).  He chose to die.  Why?

He chose love.

He chose us.  And we are unlovable.  Really we are.  We stink with sin.  All of us.  I don’t care if you are an ax-murderer or the “sweet girl” next door.  Compared to God, we reek.  Filth hangs off us (see Jeff Kinley’s Zombie Killers Handbook – a must read).

Love is a choice.

So when someone tells you to bow to another God, you have no excuse.  When someone tells you to curse Jesus’ name, you have no excuse.  Your emotions can be running wild, but you have no excuse.


Choose Jesus.  He can fill the hole in your heart with  joy (John 15:11).  He can rock your world.  He can transform you into someone who can SHINE Him in everything.

And isn’t that what you want?  Isn’t that who He made you to be?


e-mail me at nicsrevelations.com

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Comments (3)
  1. Monica says - Posted: January 17, 2013

    Ya I love this. We stink with sin and God still loves us. Perfect!

  2. Kimberly says - Posted: January 17, 2013

    Well, it’s no surprise that this blog was posted at just the time I needed it….who am I kidding? Gods timing is perfect! Tonight, at my bible study the last statement reads “pray that the Holy Spirit changes your heart not your circumstances, so that you can begin to experience complete contentment in your situation”. Perfect. Love Jesus! Being bold and living with Moxie 😉

    • Roger says - Posted: January 18, 2013

      I’d like to add another comment about “love” — especially to differentiate from “like.” Jesus told us to love our enemies and we may say “that’s impossible because I don’t like them.” How can we love someone that we don’t like? Here’s the difference.

      You like someone for what they can do for you – enjoy their company, make you laugh, fun to be with, nice to look at, etc.

      You love someone for what you do for them.

      God loves us not because of what we can do for Him but what He does for us. He cannot not love — it’s what He is. And because He dwells in us we reflect that love. He is the source of love, not us. We are the source of “like.”

      Perhaps too many people marry because they confuse like and love. If two people spent their lives doing for each other that would be a happy marriage. People fall out of “like” not out of “love.” e.g. No longer fun to be with , no longer nice looking, etc.

      And that’s how we can “love” our enemies – do something for them — forgive, reconcile, pray, help. This is the example Jesus set.

      So when you tell someone, including God, that you love them — do something for them. Oh, and don’t expect something in return, that’s true love.