Blackness. Confusion. Uncertainty. After my husband was killed on May 25th, 2006, there were many days I didn’t know down from up. I wanted God to give me all the answers, but God doesn’t light the path of your whole life all at once. He lights your next step. He wants to rely on Him daily.
Remember, the canvas will open when it opens.
Take a look at my next journal post.
– – –
September 14, 2006
I just called the transport company and at the max it would take about 3 weeks to get my stuff up here. I still don’t know what to do about that. I don’t need anything, but I want it. Maybe that is my answer – I don’t need it.
I just keep thinking that God has something wonderful up his sleeve. “Wait to see what I can do,” I keep thinking.
I don’t have clarity on household goods. I don’t have much clarity at all. All I know is I need to be in New Hampshire for the time being. I just wish I knew if it was for a year, five, ten or what.
But God makes things clear in His own time. I just need to trust Him and stop trying to figure something out right this second. I have time. I have plenty of time. Just be patient, Nic. God loves you. He isn’t going to let you flounder down here.
– – –
When I left Germany, I had to pack up everything – my car, my furniture, my memories. When I arrived in New Hampshire I had more than a few suitcases, but everything familiar was gone. And so was my husband.
My household goods didn’t arrive until September. And they sat in a warehouse somewhere waiting for me to make the call for delivery.
But I was in New Hampshire, in Doug’s grandmothers furnished, yet empty, house. Did I get everything shipped? Was I staying? Or was I leaving?
I like the word I used for how I felt. It kinda makes me giggle now. Why did I choose to write it? Flounder. But it was actually the perfect word to use.
According to the free dictionary on-line “flounder” means:
1. To make clumsy attempts to move or regain one’s balance.
2. To move or act clumsily and in confusion.
I mean, how perfect is that? I was making clumsy attempts to regain my balance in the blackness. I was wandering about in confusion.
But although I felt like a fish out of water, gasping for air, I knew God was right there.
So I read voraciously. I read His Word.
“Your word is like a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.” (Ps. 119:105)
And His Word lit my next second, not my next month, but my next second. And when you are in the Word, even if you feel like you are floundering, you are stable – on a rock.
“Everyone who hears my words and obeys them is like a wise man who built his house on rock. It rained hard, the floods came, and the winds blew and hit that house. But it did not fall, because it was built on a rock.” (Matt. 7:24-25)
Satan tried to make me fall, but he couldn’t, not with his wind, not with his flood, and not with his rain, because I was on stable ground.
Jerk. I don’t like him
May he burn alive in the lake of fire forever and ever (Rev. 20:19). Amen.
So if the jerk is after you. If the jerk has taken someone or something of importance from you – get in the Word and on the Rock. Because even if you flounder, you will not fall.
And when the jerk turns tail and runs – you might just give him a hand signal.
“Bye bye bad guy. Don’t come back. If you do, the rock is going to crush the ever-loving darkness out of you” (Matt. 21:44).
Go Jesus. Annihilate darkness.
Soon now. (Revelation 19).
I’m ready. You?
e-mail me at nicsrevelations.com